Dr. Kai's Strange Cobra-Balls

I was sitting in anti-war protest traffic on Broadway coming out of the Holland Tunnel. Two of our teammates couldn't attend due to family obligations, two others bailed last minute, so that left 4 members of Cobra Kai left to take on Chew Bocce. If one of us didn't show, we'd have to lose by forfeit.

As the time grew closer to 2:45 and I sat in traffic in the middle of a green-lighted intersection, I thought one thing in my head... "This game better be worth it."

It was.

But not in the way you'd expect.

Chew Bocce was a no show. No surprise, but coming from New Jersey with today's gas prices, it's a little annoying. But to my UTTER delight, who should be sitting in the bar cashing in on 2nd season's Rheingold holiday?

DR. STRANGEBALLS!

IN. COSTUME.

Now, to you new bocce leaguers who don't know who Dr. Strangeballs is... let me educate you...

Over one year ago, a younger Cobra Kai dominated the Saturday league. Ipod Nanos were rare, Unleaded fuel cost $1.99/gallon, Floyd had 2 for 1 Rheingold specials, the world was a different place. The Friday night before the 1st ever Floyd Bocce Tournament, a small band of Cobra Kai warriors, led by the brave Sensei (then, only a 3rd Degree Black-Belt instructor) came to Floyd to get some shots in before the tournament. However, practicing on the court before them was their Sunday counter-parts... Dr. Strangeballs.

Clad in meat-market uniforms, red wigs, stockings, code-names, team chants, unbridled enthusiasm... it felt as if Cobra Kai had met their match. Without ever meeting each other before, I approached them in my "Strike First, Strike Hard, No Mercy" uniform.

"Strangeballs," I said, stating it as fact, not inquiry.

"Kai." Their response echoed mine. It was as if I were Caesar, addressing Pompey. Churchill addressing Hitler. He-Man addressing Skeletor...

A rivalry was born.

However, the next day, in an INTENSE semi-finals, covered by the local paper, Strangeballs fell before the obvious dominance that IS Kai. Thus began a rival that would last 2 seasons, until Dr. Strangeballs returned to Floyd to cash in on their 2nd season 2nd Place award prize. It was only due to the fact that 1/2 the team moved to the home of the Declaration of independence that Cobra Kai had to find a new nemesis in the guise of the Coffee Flats Terrors. Last Saturday, however, Strangeballs was back.

But they should've stayed in Philly.

With a no-show Chew Bocce, Cobra Kai challenged Strangeballs to a pick-up game. It is only now that I wish "heart" was a category on Floyd's weekly score-charts.

A mere skeleton crew consisting of the Sensei, the Assassin, The General (formerly known as "Hairy Mike"), and Shanchuk banded together as always to defend their honor, their glory, and their right to sweep legs. After falling to Strangeballs in game 1, Kai rallied in game 2. By game 3, however, jovial discussion and alcohol had weakened our once iron-clad focus. victory was certain to elude us.

And then Strangeballs made a mistake. They got cocky...

"Alright guys! Let's remind ourselves what it's like to beat Cobra Kai!"

(At this point, it is my duty to remind readers that our record against Strangeballs stands at 1-0. Sweet rivalry.)

"We REALLY gotta beat these guys," said Shanchuk, a look of determination gracing his visage for the first time that day.

And that's all it took. While I COULD reveal how the last point was actually scored, modesty dictates that I allow others to post on that subject. Needless to say, the only gain Dr. Strangeballs saw that day was on their bar tab.

That is, until The Coffee Flats Terrors entered the bar.

To be continued...